- 03:31:01: CHAPTER TWO. Coroner Ted, who you may remember was earlier claimed to be a red herring in this story, suddenly got a more substantial role.
- 03:33:44: He went to his night shift morgue job, where he was free to grope the uncomplaining corpses in 1958, long before surveillance video cameras.
- 03:36:33: Despite his weirdness, Ted did an outstanding job. For obvious reasons he preferred the late shift, because it gave him a lot of down time.
- 03:40:20: This was a big night. Two bodies that had just arrived, and Ted was excited to get down to business. He loved this job with all his heart.
- 03:43:29: Not far away, Fez the cat slept peacefully at first, then the dreams became increasingly troublesome. Fez knew that there would be trouble.
- 03:48:52: It's been said that animals can see ghosts. But it hasn't been said that animals are also very psychic....because it's so hard to ask them.
- 03:56:55: How do we even *know* that an animal can see a ghost? It's just a thing that folks believe in for no good reason...like the Democrat Party.
- 03:59:33: But Fez the cat did dream about something, a thing that bothered him so much that he would have to leave the comfort of his home, and soon.
- 04:01:23: Across town, Tim O'Malley was miserable. He hated his job as a cop, and he wasn't crazy about the paperwork he'd have to fill out tomorrow.
- 04:02:41: Also, Mr. Mittens had soiled his apartment so foully he became finally became disgusted and put the cat outside for the first time in years.
- 04:03:50: O'Malley reflected on the years that had passed, how Fargas got fired from the force and became a P.I., and how he'd had to shoot him today.
- 04:05:45: Tim O'Malley turned his radio on and sat down in a wooden chair. He poured himself a stiff drink. He'd have to go to the morgue tonight.
- 04:08:56: Mittens saw the chance to escape and fled, never looking back. He'd long wanted to leave O'Malley's one-bedroom apartment and spread chaos.
- 04:10:34: But being a cat, and a highly psychic one at that, Mr. Mittens knew where he'd have to go. He felt an urge to go somewhere he'd never seen.
- 04:12:41: Fez had never really had a reason to leave. He was happy and well-fed, even though Coroner Ted was a sick weirdo and Mother Ted was dead.
- 04:15:52: But now, following the weird and prophetic dream he'd had, he knew he'd have to go out into the night, for the first time ever. The morgue.
- 04:20:22: Not that Fez even knew where the morgue was...he was led there by unseen forces that we can't understand, at least not in a story like this.
- 04:24:47: In the morgue, Coroner Ted was prepared to start his usual Coroner business. He began with the busty stripper with the huge knife wound.
- 04:27:21: Or intended to. There was a knock at the back door. No one should be knocking at this hour, Ted thought. He wasn't used to visitors here.
- 04:33:11: Ted looked through the peephole. It looked like a cop. "Open up," said a voice, "I'm here on police business". He waved a badge around.
- 04:37:32: Ted opened the door. There stood the spitting image of the dead man on the table. The stranger glanced at the corpse, his identical twin.
- 04:39:49: "Sorry about that cop stuff," said the man. "I'm a private investigator, not a cop. My name's Fred Fargas, and that corpse is my brother."
- 04:43:08: As bad as he felt about the death of his brother, Fred Fargas couldn't help but notice the substantial gazongas on Maggie, the dead blonde.
- 04:45:05: She reminded Fred of a former assistant of his, Jugs Mulrooney. "Jugs" wasn't her real name, though. Fred had never bothered to learn it.
- 04:49:51: Like poor dead Maggie, Jugs had impossibly big d-cup breasts, and Fred was free to torment her in an era long before sexual harassment laws.
- 04:52:12: But it turned out that Jugs was far too smart to be kept down, even in the 1950s, and left Fargas' shop and opened her own detective agency.
- 04:58:44: He missed her and tried to replace her with two similarly large-breasted girls named Powder Keg Peg and Candy Kaine, but the magic was gone.
- 05:01:06: They didn't have the brains of his previous assistant and nearly caused him to lose his license. He stopped employing strippers after that.
- 05:04:16: The past two years he'd been working cases with his twin brother, the stiff on the slab beside the blonde with the gorgonzolas on her chest.
- 05:07:05: Now Frank was dead. He never was very bright, thought Fred. Now he'd have to get a new partner. He wondered if he still had Jugs' number.
- 05:10:46: Then there was a second knock at the door. This time it was the real police. O'Malley, unable to sleep, was compelled to visit the morgue.
Tweets copied by twittinesis.com
No comments:
Post a Comment